Jan 19, 2012

Reason #1,867 Why You Should Never Want to Run for President of the United States

Yearbook photos!

As if running for president weren't already the worst possible thing to ever do because (non-exhaustive list):
  • everything you ever said will be repeated ad nauseum in and out of context
  • you spend almost all your time begging people for money
  • you have to say idiotically simple things because your party and the public will punish you for acknowledging that issues are complex
  • your spouse/children will be villainized
  • half of the people in the country will hate you simply because you exist
  • if you win, you can never do anything normal ever again: no vacations, no simple walks around the block, no going to restaurants without a security entourage, etc.

Now, we get to see yearbook photos! Oh, my...what a terrible thing to have the public see. I know for a fact that there are numerous photos in my high school yearbook of me in a speedo (swim team, yeah!). I shudder at the thought of millions of people seeing that.

Here's the slideshow, however, of various GOP candidates' (and former candidates...Sarah Palin is included) yearbook photos.

And here's a fun little trip down memory lane, with more politicians' yearbook photos:

Let's start with Barry Obama, rocking out the leisure suit and the afro

"Why, yes! I was on last week's episode of Soul Train."

But don't forget Michelle Robinson--the only yearbook photo in color!

"I don't care what they say, Harvest Gold is the new Avocado."

Chief Justice John Roberts used to have a lot of hair

"Danny Bonaduce and I cut each others' hair while we listen to David Cassidy albums."

Former president George W. Bush, looking positively Ivy League

"How come they call it a 'tie' when you just clip it on?"

Former president Bush looking more like he'd slept on a park bench the night before

"There's no problem that an evening with O'Doul's can't solve."

Former first lady, Laura Welch, with an excellent bouffant hairdo

"No, silly! I never stay out past six on weeknights. That's when The Brady Bunch is on!"

Former Democratic presidential nominee and current senator John Kerry with quite the underbite

"I can't believe they hung my underwear in the tree out on the quad again. I just wish it weren't the pair with the little rocket ship pictures all over."

Former first lady, senator, and almost-Democratic presidential nominee, and current Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham

"Don't make eye contact with me if you don't want to be turned to stone."

Former vice president Al Gore, looking as though he hates the world as much as he actually does hate the world

"I hate everyone so much, including myself. That's why I'm going to run for president, even if my therapist doesn't think it's a good idea."

Former president Jimmy Carter, with a face that looks a little bit like he wants to cry

"I just did my hair, guys. Can you give me a swirly tomorrow instead?"

And finally, former president and Casanova-in-chief "Billy" Clinton, who used to have a little bit of chub around his cheeks
"I swiped a cigar from the drugstore. Any ideas on what to do with it?"

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