So, my pants and I are splitting up after many months together.
It all started fine, just a few months ago. The weather was getting cool, and I decided to start a new pants relationship. After trying a few on for size, I found them. I thought this was the pair. I thought it was going to be for life. They fit great, and they always seemed up for something fun.
But the months went on, and the weather got more than cool. It got cold. It snowed and snowed. And my pants...well, they just couldn't take it. They changed. They became listless and sad, but there was nothing I could do. It was cold, and I needed to wear pants outside.
Then came Friday. It was another cold one in Chicago, where winter never seems to end. But that didn't stop me and my pants from heading out to the gym to work up a sweat. Usually, my pants hang around with the coats and other pants. It's not always what they want, but it helps them get out and see people. I thought I had great luck: Whose Line Is It Anyway? was on the TV, so I was entranced.
But at some point while I was laughing uproariously, my pants took their opportunity to escape from me.
I was left, betrayed in 5-degree weather with only my gym shorts. At least they know how to handle the cold.
I've thought through all the options, and the Caribbean is the most reasonable guess where they went.
I'm keeping custody of my wallet, though.