Anyway, so I'm a greeter at our church. That means I smile real big, open the door, and shake people's hands as they arrive on Sunday mornings.
I've always had this desire, though...
Of course, there wouldn't be anything there. I'd just want to see what the random people would do when I scream bloody murder. Sometimes, I might say "It's Godzilla!" or "Killer Honey Bees!" or "Barry Manilow!" Depending on people's reactions, they would either get prime church seating or a trip to the ER. So fun!
Well, I wasn't brave enough to try that this Sunday. Instead, we were having an all-church lunch after the service. When I arrived, a friend said "Josh, we might not have enough food! Go to Popeye's and buy a bunch of chicken!" I, of course, obliged.
When I arrived at Popeye's (side note: did you know that Popeye's beat KFC in a national double-blind taste test??), I ordered 50 pieces of chicken through the bulletproof glass and then waited for it to be ready. The friendly cashier gave me a drink on the house. I was happy.
A few minutes later, however, some guy walked into the Popeye's. It all seemed fine. He ordered a Po' Boy and was waiting for it when another guy came in. That guy turned to me and said "Hey, man, you want some weed?"
I politely demurred, so he went to the next guy. "Hey, man, you want some weed?" The Po' Boy guy looked at it and then said "Nah, I already got enough of my own."
So then the weed guy went up to the glass and asked the Popeye's cashier if he wanted any. The guy looked at it and then bought it through the little hole in the glass where you pass money.
Go figure--I saw my first ever drug deal go down!
After that, we had the church lunch. The pastor's kid is at that post-infant pre-toddler stage where he doesn't know what words mean, but he repeats anything you say. So, a friend of mine told the pastor that his son was going to be a politician. He was confused, so she picked him (the kid, not the pastor) up and put him on the table and said "Hello, my people!" The baby repeated "Hello, mah peepuh." Then she said "I'm going to be mayor of Chicago!" and he repeated "mauh Chee-go". Then he was done with all that and went down on all fours, pretending to be a dog or something.
After church, we went to a bookstore and for a walk before going to the sketchiest sushi joint I've ever seen: Lawrence Fish Market. You have to go. It's super cheap, super weird, and super delicious. When we walked in, the shop was replete with (a) a seat that appeared to have been removed from the back of a minivan and placed in front of the cash register, (b) a book on learning English, (c) a bowl with a bunch of splatters on the wall behind it that looked unnervingly like blood, and (d) a whole frozen octopus.
Then we went back to Emily's place to eat. I really, really wanted to get The Dolphin: Story of a Dreamer from the Redbox. It calls itself "the greatest story ever told." How could you not want to see that??
But Emily and my friend Bridget said no. So instead we watch How To Train Your Dragon. Oh, well.
*An enterprising reader may note that in one of the pictures, I gave myself six fingers on my right hand.